A part of me always knew
by AbigailKinney4life
Summary: When Babylon is bombed, Brian gets caught in the crossfire and loses his memory. Reliant on his friends to explain his life to him, Brian realises he doesn't like the person he once was and begins to live his life with his eyes open for the first time. AU


A part of me always knew

Disclaimer: I do not own Queer as Folk or any of the characters, they belong to Show time and Cowlip. I also don't own the song "Babylon's burning" by the many bands who covered the song.

A/N: Spoilers for the whole series, AU fic. Hope you enjoy, reviews much appreciated x

Chapter One: Babylon's burning

Brian Kinney sat in the back of a taxi and leant against the musty smelling seats, he sighed as he let himself relax. He tried to remind himself that he was off to Australia, off to sun and sea and fucking everything that moved.

But as much as he tried not to think about it, he couldn't shake it...

...Justin...

Why, why, why did his stupid brain have to remind him of that every time he tried not to think about it.

Sometimes Brian wished there were some things he didn't have to remember.

Brian had done to Sunshine what he did best, he had pushed him away. But this time he'd pushed him too far. This time he hadn't gotten angry with Brian and left him for another Ethan because that's what his naïve little mind thought he needed.

This time he'd made an adult decision. Justin had accepted he would probably be in love with Brian for a long time, maybe even forever. But he'd left anyway because he didn't want his life going around in a circle.

That's what Brian's life was, one big circle. Brian couldn't find any fault with Justin's decision. All he could think about was that the door had closed behind him and he was never walking back in.

Brian hadn't done a damn thing about it because what could he do? Force Sunshine into a life he didn't want? Didn't deserve?

So he was going to Australia. He was going to drown his sorrows in booze and drugs and men and never come down from that high.

He and Justin had been stuck in that pointless rut they called a semi-conventional relationship for 5 fucking years and it was time to move on now. For Brian as well as Justin.

…

Justin was dancing. He was dancing because that's what you do in a club when someone is singing.

Cindy Lauper at that!

This was the fund raiser against prop. 14, which Brian had kindly leant the use of Babylon for, free of charge.

Justin didn't know where Brian was, but he never expected Brian to turn up any way. He didn't want to have to watch him drag some trick into the back room and not be able to do anything about it.

He didn't want to think about Brian at all.

New life...and all that.

Except how to you make a new life for yourself when the one thing that was the centre of your existence isn't there any more?

Justin couldn't answer that question though, he'd made his own bed and now he was lying in it. He knew he had to do it, he had to leave Brian. He loved Brian down to his soul and kinda knew he always would but...

It wasn't fair on either of them, their lives had just been put on hold. Put on hold for too long. There wasn't a future for them together, unless Brian magically changed into a completely different person over night. But Justin didn't want that either.

Life couldn't be one vicious circle, it had to mean something. It had to make a difference.

Like right here and now. What had they done? They'd gotten _Cindy Lauper_ to perform at Babylon to give a giant middle finger to all the ass holes that wanted to take their rights away.

They were making a difference and that was a miracle in itself.

As Justin thought the word "miracle", a glowing light suddenly erupted from the stage and Justin laughed. The lighting crew had read his mind.

When the light didn't go down however, Justin's smile faltered. That wasn't...that wasn't the lighting crew...

The large crashing noise and the _whoosh _of hot air that blasted the room sent Justin face first to the ground and he couldn't think. All he could do was smell the burning air...

…

"_And in a special news bulletin. We've just been informed that there has been a large explosion at the homosexual club Babylon on the..."_

Brian bolted up from his seat the back of the taxi, unable to believe what he was hearing.

"Hey, turn that up!" He commanded suddenly, manners out the window. The taxi driver rolled his eyes and turned the volume on the radio up, he didn't really care about the bulletin any way.

Brian, however, was listening like his life depended on it.

"_...the incident took place about twenty minutes ago and paramedics were rushed to the scene. It is unclear at this time if there are any dead..."_

Brian's mind flashed through all of the people who would be at the club tonight. Everyone, fucking everyone!

"Turn around, now!"

….

The commotion was too much, Brian couldn't see. Streams of people wrapped in foil blankets were crowded outside of Babylon, various paramedics and ambulances were scattered around in disarray.

Smoke was coming out of Babylon and people were screaming and crying. It was only when Brian turned up that fire engines had too. Brian watched helplessly as endless amounts of fire fighters ran into the building, pulling people out.

Brian wanted to vomit...someone had bombed Babylon, some homophobic ass holes could have killed someone...could have killed any one...

It was then that Brian's eyes followed one stretcher being pulled out of the building. He didn't realise what he was looking at at first, the poor bastard was covered in thick black soot and what part of his body that wasn't black was covered in thick red blood.

The bile rose up in Brian suddenly as he realised why he was staring so intently.

Michael.

That man was fucking Michael!

"Mikey!" Brian exclaimed, running to the stretcher.

"Sir..." One of the paramedics began.

"What happened, is he...?" Brian babbled out all in one go, unable to think straight. But the paramedics just gave him a sympathetic look and pushed the stretcher, pushed Michael, away.

Brian stared around wildly until he noticed a familiar figure bolting towards the retreating stretcher. He was covered in the same black soot but looked otherwise unharmed.

"Ben!"

"Brian!" Ben exclaimed right back, looking flustered. "Why are you here?"

"I heard what happened on the news...what happened?"

"There was some kind of explosion, I dunno..." Ben babbled out, looking like he wasn't sure what was coming out of his mouth. "...it sorta...came from the bar and Michael was getting a drink, I dunno what happened..."

"Ben! Ben! Ben!" Brian repeated, grabbing Ben by the arms. "Calm down! Look, this is my club and I'll find out what happened, just...go with Michael, make sure he's okay."

Ben nodded quickly and whisked off behind Brian, and Brian closed his eyes and genuinely prayed for a moment.

Brian couldn't see any more of his friends, he ran between the odd people he knew, generally checking if people were okay. But there was no Debbie, Lindsay, Justin...

"Jennifer!" Brian shouted, getting the attention of the familiar blonde woman wrapped in the foil blanket. A man Brian recognised as Jennifer's new boyfriend has his arms wrapped protectively around her.

"Jennifer!" Brian exclaimed again. "Are you okay?"

"Brian! Brian, I'm fine! It's Justin, he's still in there!"

Everything in Brian's mind snapped at the point and he only had one goal. Sunshine. His mind couldn't even contemplate not running in there right now.

Brian bolted away from Jennifer with a half-breathed out, "I'll get him." He pushed his way through people crowding around the entrance and forced his way past fire fighters dragging people out.

"Sir, sir! You can't go in there!"

But Brian didn't listen, he forced his way through the door and the scene that greeted him made his stomach churn. It made him feel a fear he had never felt before, as he stared at the smoke, the debris, the random fire...the body bags.

"Justin!" Brian shouted out, desperate. "Justin!"

The heat in the room was unbearable, scary even. "Justin!"

And that's when Brian saw him, he was covered in a soot and he was picking himself off the floor. His shirt was ripped but aside from that he was unharmed.

Brian found himself praying again.

Screw vicious circles and life decisions. This_ was _life. Justin was alive. Brian couldn't help an errant thought that Justin needed to stop nearly dying on him.

Brian reached a hand out and dragged Justin into him.

Justin was confused for a moment until he realised who's arms he was in. Brian.

"Brian..." Justin found himself breathing into Brian's chest. He didn't realise at this point that Brian was the one person he wanted right now. The one person he needed. He couldn't even think straight, just...Brian. Suddenly everything was going to be okay.

Brian pulled away from Justin but kept his arms on him. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Justin breathed, his voice shaky. "But, Michael..."

"An ambulance took him away...Ben went with him..." Brian told him, suddenly filled with insane worry about Michael again. "I'm sure he'll be fine, come on, let's get out of here..."

"Okay...okay." Justin agreed shakily, Brian wrapped Justin's arm around his neck and the pair turned towards the door.

Justin then automatically buried his head in Brian's chest when he saw the same bright light out of the corner of his eye.

"Wha...?" Brian barely managed to get out before something engulfed him and and he couldn't think any more.

…

The ground shook so badly from the second explosion that Brian and Justin crashed to the floor. The second time for Justin, and also for the second time, Justin was unharmed.

He felt the tears cascade down his face as the ground shook and shouts and screams filled the air. The ceiling fell in the left side of the building and the poor souls over there got lost underneath.

As the shakes subsided, Justin coughed from all of the smoke and soot he had inhaled.

"Brian...?" Justin just managed to cough out. "Brian...?"

Justin found the strength to lift his head when he got no response.

"Brian..I think that was another bomb...Brian?"

Justin turned to the side and screamed.

The reason Brian wasn't responding was because he wasn't conscious. He was just lying there, beside Justin. Blood slowly trickling from his head.

"Brian!" Justin screamed out, his head spinning. "Brian! Somebody help! Somebody help!" Justin screamed helplessly, and he couldn't stop screaming.


End file.
